Truth: Almost always in divorce, parents either win together or lose together. Parents’ common interests remain common after separation.
Truth: Nearly all issues in divorce are Mom-and-Dad issues. Parents and kids are badly hurt when parent issues are miscast as legal ones.
Truth: Almost no couples have a custody dispute; instead, much like married couples, they have decisions and schedules to resolve, not labels to fight over.
Truth: Judges’ decisions don’t solve a family’s problems; in fact, resorting to court almost always leaves parents, children, and families more fractured.
Truth: The emotional challenges are great, but the answer is parents’ simple focus on their children’s needs. Building peace for kids is parents’ best light out of their own hurt.
Truth: The fight can’t protect the children because the fight is precisely what’s hurting the children. Success, therefore, isn’t winning a fight; it’s ending a fight.
Truth: Far from hurting parents, focusing on the children’s need for family cooperation is the best predictor of a parent’s good outcome. Protecting kids protects parents.
Truth: Many parents hurt themselves by choosing a dangerously destructive battle to try to avoid their deep hurt. Grief must be faced, not camouflaged with anger or conflict.
Truth: Half of couples in divorce cases make a serious effort at reconciliation, some successfully, and child-focused courtesy will help whether or not there’s a divorce.